life unexpected

I Didn’t Give My Children Up For Adoption

I had 2 children as a teenager (read my story here). Under the circumstances, adoption was the best choice for them and I’m grateful every day that I made that choice. Some people tell me I’m strong, brave and selfless. Some tell me I’m selfish, and that I made an irresponsible choice. Despite how they feel about it, most people tell me that I gave my children up for adoption. This phrase makes me cringe. Every time I hear it, I get a knot in my stomach. It might not seem like a huge deal since this is the most common term used. It’s the term I used when I was first considering my options because that’s all I really knew. I was soon educated on adoption terminology and I am here to do the same.

I didn’t give my children up for adoption.

I placed my children for adoption.

I didn’t give up on them. That’s all I think of when I hear this term. It sounds like I gave up on them, when in reality all I wanted was to give them more. I love those children more than I could ever express. They deserved so much more than what I could have ever given them at the time.

I literally placed them into the arms of the woman who was more than capable, ready and willing to become the best possible mother for these children.

Next time you talk to a birth mother about her adoption story, I encourage you to use this terminology. It is more sensitive, kind, healthy and it is true.

While we’re on the subject of terminology, let me give you a little list of phrases and words that have made my personal adoption journey much easier:

-When referring to a girl who is making an adoption plan, refer to her as an expectant mother rather than a birth mother. While she is pregnant, she is not a birth mom yet.

-Adoptive parents are just that: Parents. They are mom and dad. Plain and simple. I am the birth mom. I’m proud of my role and I am proud and grateful for their role. I don’t refer to Leilah and Greyson and my daughter and son. They are my birth children.

-Along with the term “gave up for adoption,” refrain from using the terms put up for adoption, and placed up for adoption. Same reasons as above.

Education is key. Adoption can be so scary, but it can be incredibly beautiful. Let’s educate each other. *If any of you can think of any other terms used in the adoption world, let me know so I can add it to this post!*