life unexpected

Birth Mother’s Day

Today is a very special holiday to me. It’s not on the calendar, it’s not being advertised on TV. In fact, most people don’t even know about this holiday.

Today is Birth Mother’s Day.

My Birth daughter Leilah just celebrated her 7th birthday last week (Happy Birthday Leilah!). 7 years ago last week, I became a birth mother, and 5 1/2 years ago, I became a birth mother a second time. For 7 years, this has always been part of my identity. It made me who I am and I am proud of that! But being a birth mother is also one of the most difficult things in my life. I experienced two losses that changed the course of my life forever.

Their birthday’s tend to be very hard for me, but Mother’s Day was always the toughest day of the year (until I gave birth to my daughter Ellie 3 years ago). Even then, I have 2 empty pieces of my heart that will always be there. I never use Mother’s day to celebrate Leilah and Greyson because to me, I’m not their mother. I was for a short period of time, but now I am their birth mother. Birth Mother’s Day was created so that we could take some time separately from Mother’s Day to reflect on the babies we carried in our tummies, gave birth to, held, loved, and placed with a wonderful family. We dreamed of their future, pleaded to know what to do for them, put them above every want we ever had, and broke our own hearts so that they could have a better life. For me, it’s always a day where I look back to those moments where I became a birth mother. I take time to be sad, to grieve, to miss them, to look at pictures and remember that short time I had with them. I also take time to rejoice in the life I have now, to think about how much I love them, how awesome they are doing and how grateful I am for their sweet parents.

I don’t know what kind of life they would have had if I would have chosen to be their mother. I don’t know if we would have beat statistics. I’m so grateful that I’ll never have to know. I have really tough days, and that’s okay. I’d do it all again for them. They deserve the world. They’ll never have to know a life with teen parents, and a broken home. They have a wonderful, stable life with two parents and a sister who were ready for them and who love them just as much as I do. I believe that God saw me struggling and chose me as a vessel to help guide these babies to their family and in turn, they changed my life. Their lives won’t be perfect, no one’s is, but I did what I could to give them the best chance they could have at a good life. Adoption can be a challenging road to navigate, but at the end of the day it’s all centered around love.

If you’ve adopted a child, take this day to think of the woman who helped build your family. If you were adopted, think of the woman who chose life for you. If you are a birth mother, try to enjoy this day. Reflect on your experience and be proud of this part of you. If you know a birth mother, keep her in your thoughts and prayers. Be sensitive, and be kind. Just as any other mother who has lost a child, birth mother’s will be grieving tomorrow. Let them have this day, and help them to feel loved and appreciated. I can guarantee that they need it.

I have met some wonderful birth mother’s over the years so to them (and those I have not met) I just want to say Happy Birth Mother’s Day! We all have a unique, special bond in this world.